Cadillac DTS

When I first started renting cars from Hertz, my choice was always a Mercury Grand Marquis or Lincoln Town Car. I have been driving Panther platform cars since my first car in 1998 ('85 LTD Crown Victoria) and felt comfortable in them. In reality, I was just not trying anything new. First, was the Grand Marquis. A fine sedan, but it lacked speed, agility, technology, and economy. The Town Car was virtually the same, except the center of the "bench" seat (if you even can call it that) was impossible for a fully-grown human being to sit on. It was like sitting on a brick. I remember, a long time ago, I had a '84 Buick LeSabre Limited and I had six full-grown adults sitting in the car and everybody was comfortable. The car looked like somebody had turned a demolition derby car into a lowrider. The Merc and Lincoln also lacked basic things like Sirius radio and a USB port. There was no way to disconnect the antenna so that I could plug in my Ipod adapter thing (it finds a dead station and plays the Ipod over that frequency, but if the radio is too good, then there are no truly dead stations and you pick up interference.) Also, with the technology that they put into the Mustang to get 300 hp and 30 mpg, you'd think they'd apply it towards their flagship cars. If I were in charge of Mercury, it would be a viable and thriving division.

Anyways, this left me looking for other full-size car options. Hertz didn't have Chargers at the time, and an Impala is FAR from a full-size car. The last REAL Impala, in my opinion, was built in 1996. So, my only other option was the Cadillac DTS (unless I wanted to go Japanese). I knew fully well that a DTS is basically an elongated Impala or Lucerne, but it had a V8, XM and even a sunroof, so I tried it out.

It was a chilly night, peppered with cold drizzle. I needed the car for one of the in-law's fancy Indian parties. I like going to these events because of the spicy food, good conversation, great people and I usually get to watch goofy 70s Indo-Pak Kung-fu rip off movies, Hilarious! The problem with my wife's side of the family is that everybody is "keepin' up with the Jones'." If you have a Camry, somebody rolls up in a ES350. If you have a G35, somebody has a M-series Infiniti. IT's not so bad if you roll up in a Corolla, but I was driving a beat-up '84 Buick LeSabre (a different one from the previous paragraphs) that had sagging springs and rusty rockers. It was dirt brown with a burgundy driver's door and the engine would diesel on after the key was turned off. It was like Uncle Buck traded in his '76 Marquis for my Buick. We were discussing which car to go to the party in and I turned to the Buick. I turned back to my wife and she didn't have to say a word... but she did. "Honey, I love you, but NO!" I could swear that as she said that, pieces of rust fell off the car.

So, there I was at the counter. I had gotten permission from the lot manager to rent a "Prestige Collection" car. It's that big of a deal to rent one. I was practically drooling over the keys and in my head I was going "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!!!" I got the insurance in case I had to return the car on a tow truck or in a bucket and signed the agreement. It was in the Gold section, so I never got rained on and the car was nice and dry. I never really realized the luxury of having covered  lots until I needed a rental car in the rain. I looked to the right and noticed the National Alamo customers scrambling from the bus to their cars. On my left, Avis Budget was identical. I calmly strolled to the car and surveyed the brilliant machine.

Since I was behind the car, I started from there. The taillights screamed "Cadillac" since they were vertical and thin. I later found out that they were LEDs and very impressive at night. The greenhouse of the car was conservatively designed. The bodylines were simple and completed the look of the car. I would've liked to have seen some more subtle touches of chrom around the windows or door sills. From the firewall to the rear bumper, the car was well proportioned, but when I stepped out in front of that gawdy "cow-catcher" front end, I was not pleased.

The only Cadillacs I ever owned were 2 '88 front-drive DeVilles, an '85 Eldorado, and a '79 Fleetwood. All of those Caddys had strong, prominent front ends. The front of the '79 looked like you were about to get hit by Alcatraz. The new Caddy's front end looked rather low and small compared to the rest of the car. I also, don't like the stacked headlights. They didn't look right on a '68 Fleetwood and they don't look good on any other Cadillac. The rims were 18" polished aluminum wheels with Michelin tires. They looked appropriate for the car. I usually like whitewalls and wire hubcaps, but I will give anybody $100 if they find me 18" wire hubcaps.

The key fob was interesting. It was a square, little thing with tapered sides. Faux stainless caps kept all the guts from falling out and the Cadillac crest gleamed under the florescent lighting. The LEDs lit up when I unlocked the doors. I slid into the car and was impressed by the fit and finish of the interior. Being used to fabric, leather, and chrome interiors from the 80s Cadillacs, the interior was rather refreshing. I would've killed somebody for a bench seat and column shifter up front, but I realized that I'm probably the ONLY person in the world who would wish for that. Besides, the cupholders were right in the center console and I could hide my Ipod in the center. Unfortunately, The DTS has no USB cable and I didn't have the other jack for my IPOD so I was S.O.L., but I had the XM radio. I like the Blue Collar Comedy Station. I slid the key into the cylinder and cranked the engine up. I never opened the hood, but I'm pretty sure it's a Northstar V8 engine. It had an EXCELLENT exhaust tone. I wanted to cram the engine in the Buick and weld the mufflers up underneath. I goosed the gas a couple times for fun. I adjusted all my seats, belts, headrests, steering wheel, mirrors, turned the climate control to 72 defrost, set my XM and FM stations and relaxed in the leather seat. Once again, I felt like something was amiss. Being used to cushy pillow seats, the sleak, european leather seats in the Caddy were somewhat alien to me. I was also not impressed with the steering column. I would've thought that Cadillac would have installed a telescopic steering wheel in their latest cars, considering that my '79 had one. Apparently, they didn't on this trim level. I found out later that they offered the DTS with a power tilt and telescopic wheel, display screen, rear power lumbar and lane entrance assist. Before I left the parking space, I realized that I felt like I was sitting in a '09 Impala instead of a DTS. There's almost NO difference to me. I was rather dejected from that. Hopefully, that exhaust has some power to back it up. That'd cheer me up.

I eased out of the parking space and found the one REAL downside to the DTS. If you ignore everything I have said up to this point, don't ignore this. The turn-radius sucks. I had a '77 Town Car that turned better than the DTS. I had to back up and do it again. I eased the car through the security gate. The security girl was off and the short, fat guy in the booth gave me my agreement and bid me farewell. I eased it up to the first traffic light and waited. I was gonna wail on this Cadillac. I wanted to feel good that day and I needed some automotive thereapy. I turned off the traction control. The cross lights turned yellow, then red. I released the brake... milliseconds seemed like eons. I gripped the leather wrapped wheel. Sweat on my brow, I licked my lips in anticipation. I think I stopped breathing...

GREEN LIGHT!!!

I stomped that accelerator into the floor and I saw God. The front tires lit up in a fury of screeches and smoke. I turned the wheel to the left, but I realized that I was in a front-wheel drive car and it kept on going straight. The Northstar's roar was like the siren's song from the Blessed Lady of Acceleration. I rode it for as long as I could, but I had to release the gas lest I get arrested for trespassing on government property. The front wheels caught traction and jerked the front end to the left, narrowly avoiding the razor wire, chain-link fence that separated me from the O'Hare international airport. I leaned on the gas and hurdled down Bessie Coleman drive. Every chance I got, I dug into the gas, just to make her sing. It was Nirvana.

After getting all the high performance jack-assery out of my system, I got on the highway and set the cruise for 60 and headed home. All the options and gizmos that GM had to offer were like pearls before swine. I was never gonna use the heated seats or sync my phone to the car, or whatever else you could do with it. I just needed cruise, defrost and XM. I cursed mother nature for making it too cold and rainy for the sunroof. The ride was superb. I cannot lie, it was the SMOOTHEST riding car I've ever driven (except for my '84 Custom Cruiser.) The handling was not what you'd expect from a "big" sedan. It didn't have the usual banking, pitching and yawing around turns that a Grand Marquis would have. The suspension had just the right amount of give to make the ride comfortable, yet neat and tidy. I sat back and relaxed and let the miles slide underneath the tires.

The Caddy was a big hit at the party. It had Illinois plates, so nobody suspected it was a rental, but I figured that I'd have to tell them, or else I'd be doomed to renting one every time I see them. There's was plenty of room for the kid's carseats. There was plenty of trunkspace to fit the double stroller. My little girl's impression of the car was summed up in a two word sentence. "Big car." The majority of her automotive experience was in the back of an '04 Corolla. She was too young when she rode in the '68 Imperial, or the '84 Custom Cruiser, so she doesn't know big cars, yet.

On the way back to return the car, I burned some more rubber, but found the torque-steer to be too great. I vowed that the next time I pray to God, I will pray that they make a Fleetwood again with the engine from the DTS and make it rear-wheel drive with optional all-wheel drive. I want a "Caddy that Zigs" but I want it to be a big Cadillac, like they are supposed to be.

I returned the Cadillac without any remorse. It was a great car. I loved the power and feel of the engine and the car was very well put together. I just expected a Cadillac to be more... well... Cadillac-ish. It's a good replacement for somebody wanting a Grand Marquis or Town Car but also wants to be a part of the 21st century.

5-31-11

John C Kreuz



New Dodge Chargers at Hertz!!!

I'm so excited that Hertz O'Hare has acquired about 20 new Dodge Charger sedans. They are all V6s with 17" wheels, but I'm giddy as a schoolboy who found his Dad's Playboy Magazine.

This year's model has definitely gained some weight. The older model had a slimmer design, but the new model 's side panels make the car look somewhat fat, for lack of a better word. The front end doesn't seem as "truck-ish" as the previous model, but the protruding grille reminds me more of Shelby Cobra or a big-mouth bass rather than a family sedan. The roofline is also an improvement from last year. Last year's model had a confusing roofline that made the car appear as though it should be driven in reverse. This one reminds me of a Mitsubishi Galant (which is not the feelings that a Dodge Charger should invoke).  I REALLY dig the rear taillight assembly on the new model. The LEDs are a bit overwhelming, but they have a definite "WOW" factor. I like that the trim levels that Hertz got (I'm not sure what they are called, but they have to be on the same line as the Challenger SE) had 17" tires. They are 215/65R17s, but I do not remember the make. As far as tires go, 17 inch tires are the new 15s. They are not as cheap as a set of 215/75R15 whitewalls, but they are cheaper than a set of 20s.

The car is attractive, overall, but It's my opinion that Dodge missed the mark on styling. I would like to have seen a wide, rectangular front end with four circle headlights either bare or with hideaway doors. I would like to have seen more of the overall shape of a '69 Charger throughout the car, or maybe dust off the "turbine engine" styling of the late 60's and early 70's that Chrysler used on everything from Challengers to Imperials.

Finally, the thing that has always bothered me about the Charger is the name. When I think "CHARGER", visions of the "Dukes of Hazard" and "Bullitt" come into my head. Two-door, aggressively styled, long and lean muscle cars are what Chargers should be, not the average family sedan. I think that Dodge should've held the Charger only as a sporty, two-door version of the current Charger and the four-door should've been called something else (Monaco, Polara, whatever. Anything except "Intrepid." The only thing "Intrepid" about the Intrepid was it's multiple trips to the transmission shop and final trip to the junkyard.) Regardless, the Charger name is here to stay and I want to focus on the car itself, not the name.

I was able to drive the previous Charger V6 around the lot and it seemed to be a capable car. The V6 had a lot of guts. I'm hoping that this year's car has the same aggression under the hood as it does in the styling. We'll see.

5-29-11
John C Kreuz

Mustang Review

 As an employee of Hertz Rent-A-Car, I get a discount on renting vehicles. I've NEVER known automotive bliss until I drove the 2011 Mustang Convertible. All summer long, I requested a weekend with a Mustang and I was denied due to seasonal demand. The magical brilliance of summer faded. The air became crisp. My hopes for driving the Mustang became tainted like the leaves on the trees. Just as the leaves were ready to fall from their branchy confines, I asked one last time. The area manager had given me the OK! I was elated as a little boy who had just received a new toy car. I left the office and proceeded to slot 63. There it was, a bastion of classic Detroit Muscle car era styling adrift in a sea of foreign midsize snooze-booths. Mine was royal blue (almost purple) with white side stripes, light colored interior and a black convertible top.

 The car was aggressively styled, as though it was a racing steed eagerly awaiting the opening of the gate. The massive front end jutted out prominently as though it were designed to cut through the quagmire of midday suburban commuting, a paintbrush to apply strokes of freedom and independence to a 35 mph canvas. Being a big guy myself, I found it slightly problematic entering the pristine machine. Once settled, I found the interior to be just as amazing as the outside. The gauges lit up with the opening of the door. One glance at them and it invoked a certain deja vu from all the classic car shows I went to as a kid. I felt as though I was just a boy peering into the window of a '68 Fastback at the local hot dog place. The gauge cluster was well laid out and I loved the fact that you can change the gauge cluster and halo colors, as well as the ambient interior light colors. I chose blue for my Mustang since it matched the outside.

 The key slid into the lock cylinder with ease. I was greeted with a conservative warning chime as I turned the key over the clunky stops. The gauges did a sweep to remind me that I was sitting in a 2011 Mustang instead of a '68. The V6 engine turned over under the big, long hood. The tailpipes burped out a healthy roar as the motor came to life. It idled smoothly, but had a nice exhaust tone that was faint with the windows and top up. I adjusted my mirrors, seats, and stuff (since I'm a car shtickler, according to my wife. She says that I have to have everything my way in every car I sit in). I turned my attention to the clustered center stack. I have to admit that the radio and climate controls seemed awkward and the buttons overwhelming. The climate controls were hard to get to with the shifter in park. It took a minute or two to acclimate myself, but once I knew where everything was, it was easy to set my favorite Sirius radio stations. It was easy as pie to sync up my Ipod to the Audiophile system. I was able to hide the Ipod in the center console, which was very ample for CDs and receipts and other miscellaneous garbage that seems to accumulate in mine and my wife's cars. I reset the "TRIP A" on the dashboard to see how many miles I would take her. I sat back in the leather seats, which felt to me as though they were custom built to my body, and breathed a sigh of relief and accomplishment. I was about ready to place the leather wrapped shifter into drive when I realized something totally obvious that I had overlooked. Duh! I was in a convertible. Putting the top down was a snap. Behind the visors are two handles. I pulled the handles and pushed the button with the convertible top going down icon and like magic, all four windows went down and the top followed. In a matter of seconds, the Gold Club canopy of the Hertz rental car facility was looming over my head as if to say "Hey, The view is better on the open road. Get moving!" So I plopped the shifter into drive and eased out of the slot.

 Being an employee, it wouldn't be wise to go hot-rodding on the lot. The security girl at the gate gave me a wink as she handed back the agreement and I rumbled to the first stop light. I was laughing like Beavis when the light turned green. I figured that since it's only a V6, it shouldn't be too peppy. I turned off the traction control and decided to get a little irresponsible. I stomped the accelerator and was thrown back into my seat as the rear 17" tires lit up, billowing smoke into the sky. I urged the front end to the left and the rear end swung wide to the right. I drifted that car around the Corollas and Impalas, noting their expressions of awe and disdain. After completing my power slide, the car righted itself and regained a stately, subtle composure as if to say "Huh? What power slide? I don't know what you're talkin' about!" I took it easy until I got to the entrance ramp for 190 East towards Chicago. I hammered it again and the mighty blue steed slid its way up the ramp and righted itself on the merging lane. I was met with a slew of Chicago taxi cabs. I know for a fact that these suicide jockeys don't yield to anything. They will bury that raggedy old, rustbucket, hacked up, deathtrap Crown Victoria Police Interceptor right into your vehicle without hesitation. I also, am somewhat of a hammerhead and I wasn't about to yield to the faded yellow beater taxi. He stomped the gas on his 4.6L interceptor engine and he rocketed ahead with a sickly roar, trailing blue smoke in his wake. Not to be outdone, I put the spurs to the Mustang. I have NEVER felt that kind of acceleration and torque from a V6 in my life. I easily paced the battered Vic. As the lane was ending, I couldn't help myself. I gave a little wave bye-bye and floored the gas. It had seemed that the Stang had a little reserve of power just waiting for me to break the glass "in case of emergencies." I hit the signal, lighting up the VERY COOL sequential turn signals and merged victorious. I set the cruise at 60 and completed my 35 mile commute. People stared at me like I was from Mars. It was 40 degrees out and I was cruising along with the top down and the defroster on. :)

 The next day, I was looking for a reason to take the Mustang out and I had the two rental car seats in the back. "Hey, honey. Let's go to the toy store. We'll take the kids. It'll be fun." We loaded up the kids in the shiny Mustang. My 2 1/2 year old daughter said "Little car", noting that the interior is smaller than my wife's '04 Corolla LE. We shoehorned the kids in the back. My 1 1/2 year old boy was stoic, unimpressed by the flash and pizazz of the shiny new car. He was still reveling in his post-lunch euphoria. I noticed the two downfalls of the mighty Mustang, Rear-seat room and trunk space. My little girl had no room for her feet. She laughed anyways, since it was a new car, but I could tell that this would be a problem. Regardless, we hopped in the car and fired her up. Once again, the top went down. My little girl's eyes went wide as dinner plates as the top disappeared. She had NEVER been in a convertible before. Instantly, she pointed to the heavens and blurted out "birdies!" The seagulls were less than impressed with their new fan. I treated the mustang nice for the rest of the weekend. The cold was too much for the kids. MY girl laughed, but my boy was looking at me, squinting through the wind as if to say "Dis is not-a fun. Yoo sed ders gonna be chicken nuggets on dis ride. It is too coldz for no-roof drivin'." I pulled over and put up the top. With the top up, it felt like we were driving a hardtop Mustang. No wind noise, no heat loss. It was a very pleasant ride. At the toy store, we had to divide the kids up, since there was no room for our big double-stroller (I call it the Cadillac). I bought a Hot Wheels '11 Mustang GT hardtop. It was blue with white side stripes.

 The day that I had to return the car was a sad day for me. I beat on her some more to get it all out of my system. Drifting around turns, peel outs, and a lot of aggressive driving. On the highway, I never took it over 70 except for once. The car handled high speed situations like a '68 Chrysler Imperial, except without the "Ahoy, matey!" feel. I pulled into the gas station to refill the car before returning it to the facility. I topped off the tank and reset the "Trip A." I calculated the average miles per gallon for the weekend. Guess what I came up with? I got 28 miles to the gallon! I was shocked. After all that whipping around and flogging the V6, I got almost the same MPG as my wife's Corolla (since she always uses the A/C or Defrost). Flabbergasted, I brought the car back into the return lane. The representative scanned the car and printed my receipt and asked "How was your Hertz rental experience, today?" I, for one of the few times in my life, was speechless. There I stood agape, staring blankly at this woman, with my hair all messed up from the top being down (I returned it down.) After a pause, I could only come up with one word to describe my Mustang experience...
"Awesome."

John C Kreuz
5-19-11